I still don't really know where to start. This whole marriage thing is so surreal still. The wedding happened. It was wonderful, I felt very present and yet it felt like it went by quickly at the same time. Maybe the enormity hasn't hit me yet. And I don't think it has to do with us living together prior, because really that doesn't define a marriage, that defines roommates. I started thinking about an analogy from my old pastor and I think it summarizes how I'm feeling very well:
There are certain titles we hold throughout life that we don't necessarily "earn". It's a title we gain and then must grow into. Our goal is to live to the full potential of that title. And it's a title, it doesn't define us, but becomes a part of who we are. Marriage is one of those situations. The minute you say your vows you become a husband or wife. That doesn't mean you have any clue what that truly means. No matter how much marriage preparation you've done, how many books you've read or how much advice you've received. Because you must grow into that role of husband/wife, and it will take the rest of your life to do so. And that looks different in every single relationship.
To further the analogy, having kids is similar (moreso with the first child). Once a child is born you become a mother or father. Not that you have any idea what that truly means, but you now have that title.
So maybe I'm grasping that it's going to take a lifetime to grow into this role of wife. Because I'm not sure I feel like I can fully call myself that with only 2 weeks experience. Does that make any sense? Nonetheless, I love being a wife and I love my husband.